CHAPTER SIX – LANA TAKE’S ME FOR A RIDE

Lana’s first summer was upon her and she was now fully settled in her paddock along with the sheep. Things still startled her from time to time, but she was doing fine. In quick order she had found her place within the ‘flockherd’ and it was a joy to witness her jostle with the rams and the ewes at feed time. They would butt her out the way and she would use her size and weight to push herself in and to the food. There was good competition and she was experiencing a natural co-existence.

The day came when our wonderful sheep shearer Lisa was booked to de-fleece our ovine residents. Lisa is one of those precious finds that you can’t but feel thankful for discovering. Hands on, no nonsense, honest and professional, what she doesn’t know about sheep isn’t worth knowing. Her advice comes freely and her expertise is never overcharged. She is a real gem.

This year the sheep were in a different paddock to the previous year so we had time to chat and work out the logistics of how she was going to shear them. I brought a long electrical extension down to the paddock and she set up her equipment as I looked on curiously.

‘Are you having them all done?’ she asked eyeing the two young rams.

‘Well I don’t know, what do you think? Boreay don’t need to be shorn.’ I said.

‘No, but won’t harm them in this warm weather’. She answered.

I agreed and so I went and grabbed Cecil for his coiffure. I had in fact been pretty prepared by locking the ewes into their hut before Lisa had arrived (I had no intention of anyone seeing me chasing and trying to corral three large sheep). The boys are never a problem. First of all they are always curious and secondly their horns give you something to grab.

I pulled Cecil over to Lisa who handled him as if he was a toy. The blades buzzed and in no time he was naked, much to my delight as he was now incredibly comedic. Jeffery went to the salon similarly and all was going smoothly.

Then it was the time for the ewes, who are at least twice the size of the two boys.

Naturally I didn’t want to shame myself in front of Lisa and so stepped over the hurdle barring the entrance to the hut and grabbed the first ewe that I could.

‘You ok in there?’ Lisa called, it was taking a little longer than one might expect.

‘Yes, no trouble, just sorting it out.’ I answered breathlessly. In reality, although the space was small and confined, trying to grab a ewe, any ewe and then hold onto it long enough to get it to the hurdle and then outside, without letting any of the other sheep out was proving to be a little taxing.

‘Want a hand?’ she questioned.

‘I’m fine,’ I called back, really wanting to say ‘yes please, help!!!!’

‘I’ll be right there’ Lisa responded as if she had heard my silent wish and not my spoken words.

She appeared at the doorway just at the same time that I had managed to corner and get a firm grip on Candy.

‘Oh great, fling her over here then.’ Lisa casually commanded.

‘Fling her over??’ my mind questioned, ‘fling her?’ I could barely move her.

‘No problem,’ I muttered, trying to sound like it was effortless and not killing me just to hold the sheep. Pride however is a great determinant. From the deepest recesses of my exhausted limbs I managed to push, pull and sweetly beg the ewe towards Lisa.

‘Lovely,’ she praised, and in one smooth movement pulled back the hurdle, grabbed the sheep with one hand and wrenched her out into the paddock and proceeded to lead her over towards the shears.

With Lisa momentarily out of sight I slumped to the floor in the hut gasping for breath and hoping to God that I wouldn’t have a heart attack until at least Lisa had left the premises.

I heard the shears start to buzz and tried to relax with the other two ewes looking at me suspiciously. But then suddenly there was a great thud on the outside of the hut and then another, and another. I jumped up knowing immediately that it was Lana pounding at the walls and as calmly as I could muster I got my leg over the hurdle in the doorway.

Lisa was hot at it shearing Ebby, unaware of any turmoil that may be being enacted in her near vicinity, but as soon as I was in the open I could see immediate danger enfolding. Lana was spooked. Clearly the buzzing of the shears had gotten to her and she was chasing round in small, but ever increasing circles in a panic, kicking out sporadically with no clear objective.

I called out to her, but the buzz of the shears was quite loud and I daresay my voice got lost in the sound of the vibrations. Lana was on one and I could see that she was getting dangerously close to where Lisa was carrying out her work. Without thinking I leapt for Lana and grabbed her neck simultaneously continuing my soothing, albeit in a panicky way, words. But Lana was now too big and too strong for me even though she still had plenty of growing to do, and my arms failed to get a grip. I lunged again but missed entirely. And then something happened that I was completely not expecting. Lana turned and in one quick motion was facing me and effectively charging. It was happening all so fast that I didn’t have any time to react so the next thing I knew the crown of her head had hit my groin, which in itself was excruciating, let alone the searing of her tiny horn buds ripping at my inner thighs, but then the momentum of her action lifted me off the ground and I was, too all intents and purposes, riding her the wrong way round. That in itself lasted a brief second as my head and face automatically dropped to her rear as I had absolutely no balance or control or influence on the activity. Lana kept moving in one direction, I kept moving in another, for a moment I was spreadeagled over her back, then my face was in her anus and then I was sliding to the hard, caked summer mud which struck me unsympathetically. I rolled over trying to make some sense of the whole situation and saw to my horror that Lana had turned and was once again coming back my way. I struggled to my knees, pathetically held out my hands and arms in some optimistic hope of stopping her or at least grabbing her. By some miracle the loop of my arms got over her head and around her neck. Her strength however was more than a match for mine, thus lassoed she careered onwards dragging me with her, now holding on for dear life as I bounced underneath her belly, four legs striking the earth violently either side of me and missing all my vitals by chance alone. I wanted to let go, but at the same time I was terrified that if I did so I would be completely trampled.

Then she just stopped. Suddenly and without warning, lifted her head and let out a plaintive moo. I let go my grip and dropped fully to the ground.

‘You ok over there?’ Lisa turned around nonchalantly having just finished Ebby’s defleecing. ‘Your cow causing you a problem?’

‘No, all fine thanks,’ I lied as coolly as I was able, rolling over onto my side and pushing myself up onto my knees as if everything was perfectly normal and that I wasn’t in complete agony.

‘Great, shall we get the next one out then.’ Lisa asked.

‘Yes, yes of course,’ I stammered, my heart pounding, ‘just give me a minute, I’d like to move this calf if that’s ok, I think she may be getting a little phased by the shears.’ I completely understated.

‘No problem, in your own time,’ Lisa responded ever cool and collected.

My legs desperately didn’t want to walk in a straight line and I prayed that Lisa wouldn’t be watching me have the argument with them as to who was the boss of who as I made my way to Lana’s halter.

I should of course have foreseen Lana’s panic or at least envisaged the possibility and therefore should have taken her away from any danger before Lisa had arrived, but I wasn’t that smart and I castigated myself angrily as I led her to the upper paddock where she would be safe. By the time I returned to the sheep Lisa had singlehandedly grabbed them and sheared them and was packing away all her kit.

‘You ok?’ she asked with half a knowing twinkle in her eye.

‘Oh, yes, fine, just a bit of a slight panic by the poor thing.’ I answered.

‘Right,’ she replied unconvinced, ‘probably should have moved her before I suppose’ she stated the obvious.

‘Yes definitely, just didn’t think she would react like that, still nothing major to worry about.’

‘Nooo,’ Lisa kept on without making eye contact, ‘perhaps go and get that blood cleaned off though, you look like you’ve been fighting with a chainsaw.’

* * * * *

As I write it is November 5 and dark outside. Earlier today I moved Lana out of her paddock with the sheep to the top paddock where it is drier and less boggy as the rain has taken a toll on the condition of the ground. Tomorrow I’ll take the ewes up to keep her company, but I wanted first to see how she would react in a different, unfamiliar surrounding. She is just over a year old and her heart is still one of a young cow, but she has matured beyond her days. She came willingly and calmly to the different paddock and then spent time, with me around her, exploring by smell the area and the odd sounding turkeys that came to greet her. She has been calm and relaxed all day, albeit occasionally giving out a little moo to call me back to her for a comforting hug and chat. When I last left her, about thirty minutes ago, the fireworks from some insensitive individual’s (or perhaps organisation’s) celebration had finally ceased and she was at ease, without a care tugging and munching at the bale of hay I had left for her.

We feared that we wouldn’t get Lana through her first twenty four hours with us, or then the first week, or then the first month or winter. We don’t know how long we will enjoy the privilege of Lana’s company as we don’t know how bad the inherent damage is, or indeed how fatal any swelling on her brain may be. But we have got her this far and every day is a bonus, a bonus that we are profoundly grateful and proud of.